I've lost touch with most of my old friends
Damage done
If you have read the opening chapters of this book, you will know already where the science stands on this question - positive social connections are crucial to your health and well-being. Unless you're the rare type of person who truly thrives on going also, spending too much time by yourself or having too few friends to confide in and socialise with can, over time, raise your odds of heart disease, high blood pressure, depression, muddled thinking and sleep problems.
Why? Loneliness raises levels of stress hormones in the bloodstream and as a result, may play a role in firing up chronic inflammation - a risk factor in heart disease, diabetes and even some forms of cancer.
The biggest danger posed by having too few friends: It becomes a habit that could rob you of happiness in the future, when you may need it most. When researchers from Cardiff University analysed data from the 2002 Health Survey for England, they found that good social networks and contacts were strongly linked with better self-reported health, irrespective of health-affecting behaviour such as smoking, alcohol intake and fruit/vegetable consumption.
And according to the Australian Longitudinal Study of Ageing, which involved 1,477 people aged 70 or over, strong social networks lengthen survival among older people. Those who reported having most friends were 22 percent less likely to die in the ensuing ten years than those with the least - and the protective effect of friendship outweighed even close contact with children and other relatives, which had little impact on survival rates. What's more, the benefit of having lots of friends was still evident even among people who had been through major changes such as the death of a spouse or close family members.
There's no magic number of friends, or number of times a week or a day to reach out by phone, email, old-fashioned letter or in person. But you do need at least one friend other than your spouse -
something that 25 percent of participants in one friendship study didn't leave.
Can I undo it? Yes!
All you need to do is get past the mental blocks that have prevented you from reaching out. For some, that isn't easy - shyness, insecurity and low self-confidence can all get in the way of making new friends or reviving old ties. But all these can be overcome, and the benefits of doing so will be immediate.
Plus benefits
More social interactions will have a less-than-subtle positive effect on your mood, making you much more happy, engaged and confident. And with these emotions, every aspect of your health will benefit.
Repair plan
I'm angry, worried or stressed more than I'm happy
Damage done
Substantial, and not merely for your mental health. Anger stress and worry release a cascade of stress hormones that increase your blood pressure and blood sugar, depress your immunity, slow your digestion and just make you feel mean. Nature intended stress to be a short-lived fight-or-flight response to a threat. But modern life can lead to chronic stress - and to far reaching impacts on your health.
For a start, people who react more strongly to psychological stress have a higher risk of becoming obese. According to a study at Universe College London (UCL), women who produced more stress hormones had more belly fat - the most dangerous kind - than women with lower hormone responsiveness. And not only were stress hormone levels directly correlated with waist circumference, but total and abdominal fat levels were also linked with prolonged raised blood pressure responses to stress.
Research has also shown that stress hormones make cells throughout your body less sensitive to insulin, leading to higher blood sugar levels. And another UCL study of 34 men who had suffered a heart attack or severe chest pain revealed that stress produced prolonged elevations in blood pressure and heart rate. Among the 14 men those heart problem had been preceded by acute stress, anger or depression, stress also triggered the release of high levels of platelets, cells in the blood that are linked with clot information. This may explain just how emotional stress can trigger heart attacks in vulnerable people. In another study, people who scored highest on tests of anger and hostility had levels of c-Reactive Protein (CRP) - a marker of heart -threatening inflammation - two to three times
higher than calmer study volunteers. The more negative their moods, the higher their CRP levels, and the greater their risk for future heart disease and stroke.
Can I undo it? Yes
You have to keep an open mind and do some work, though. Stress-reduction techniques have been proven to lower blood sugar, improve immunity, reduce depression, speed healing in people with psoriasis, ease chronic pain, lower blood sugar and possibly protect your heart, too. Plenty of research shows that people with heart disease linked to anxiety who lower their stress levels significantly cut their risk of a heart attack.
Plus benefits
More than you can count. A regained sense of joy and control is worth its weight in gold, and the physical health benefits will be substantial also.
Repair plan
Damage done
If you have read the opening chapters of this book, you will know already where the science stands on this question - positive social connections are crucial to your health and well-being. Unless you're the rare type of person who truly thrives on going also, spending too much time by yourself or having too few friends to confide in and socialise with can, over time, raise your odds of heart disease, high blood pressure, depression, muddled thinking and sleep problems.
Why? Loneliness raises levels of stress hormones in the bloodstream and as a result, may play a role in firing up chronic inflammation - a risk factor in heart disease, diabetes and even some forms of cancer.
The biggest danger posed by having too few friends: It becomes a habit that could rob you of happiness in the future, when you may need it most. When researchers from Cardiff University analysed data from the 2002 Health Survey for England, they found that good social networks and contacts were strongly linked with better self-reported health, irrespective of health-affecting behaviour such as smoking, alcohol intake and fruit/vegetable consumption.
And according to the Australian Longitudinal Study of Ageing, which involved 1,477 people aged 70 or over, strong social networks lengthen survival among older people. Those who reported having most friends were 22 percent less likely to die in the ensuing ten years than those with the least - and the protective effect of friendship outweighed even close contact with children and other relatives, which had little impact on survival rates. What's more, the benefit of having lots of friends was still evident even among people who had been through major changes such as the death of a spouse or close family members.
There's no magic number of friends, or number of times a week or a day to reach out by phone, email, old-fashioned letter or in person. But you do need at least one friend other than your spouse -
something that 25 percent of participants in one friendship study didn't leave.
Can I undo it? Yes!
All you need to do is get past the mental blocks that have prevented you from reaching out. For some, that isn't easy - shyness, insecurity and low self-confidence can all get in the way of making new friends or reviving old ties. But all these can be overcome, and the benefits of doing so will be immediate.
Plus benefits
More social interactions will have a less-than-subtle positive effect on your mood, making you much more happy, engaged and confident. And with these emotions, every aspect of your health will benefit.
Repair plan
- Make a list With whom from your past would you most enjoy being closer? The answer could be friends, former co-workers, family members, even people you have met just once or twice but with whom you were highly impressed. Put them in order, and commit to a plan to contact them in a slow but steady sequence.
- Use the internet to get started Today, email has become a wonderful way of reconnecting with long-lost friends and colleageaus. Write a short note saying hello, confirming the address and asking if it's okay if you send a longer note. Who can turn down such an offer?
- Work on your personal script As you begin to make social connections new or old, you are going to be asked a lot of questions about you, your recent past and your plans for the future. Anticipate them and work on your answers ahead of time.This will greatly help your confidence and will help you to focus on giving out positive, appealing messages.
- Turn a hobby into a social activity Do you play the clarinet? Join the town band. Do you love the theatre? Volunteer to take tickets at local productions... or dare to audition for a role on stage. Have you a special skill or collection? Find others with the same interests.
- Do lots of little interactions For example, if you see a neighbour, walk over and chat for a few minutes. Linger after church services, classes or work and chat with acquaintances. Engage local shop owners in a little conversation. Talk to shoppers at the supermarket who are buying the same products as you are. You'll find that these little conservations are great fun and bolster your confidence.
- Volunteer with a local organisation that performs good works in your community With age, each of us should be more willing to donate our wisdom, time and skills to help our communities. The benefit will include great conservations and new-found relationships.
I'm angry, worried or stressed more than I'm happy
Damage done
Substantial, and not merely for your mental health. Anger stress and worry release a cascade of stress hormones that increase your blood pressure and blood sugar, depress your immunity, slow your digestion and just make you feel mean. Nature intended stress to be a short-lived fight-or-flight response to a threat. But modern life can lead to chronic stress - and to far reaching impacts on your health.
For a start, people who react more strongly to psychological stress have a higher risk of becoming obese. According to a study at Universe College London (UCL), women who produced more stress hormones had more belly fat - the most dangerous kind - than women with lower hormone responsiveness. And not only were stress hormone levels directly correlated with waist circumference, but total and abdominal fat levels were also linked with prolonged raised blood pressure responses to stress.
Research has also shown that stress hormones make cells throughout your body less sensitive to insulin, leading to higher blood sugar levels. And another UCL study of 34 men who had suffered a heart attack or severe chest pain revealed that stress produced prolonged elevations in blood pressure and heart rate. Among the 14 men those heart problem had been preceded by acute stress, anger or depression, stress also triggered the release of high levels of platelets, cells in the blood that are linked with clot information. This may explain just how emotional stress can trigger heart attacks in vulnerable people. In another study, people who scored highest on tests of anger and hostility had levels of c-Reactive Protein (CRP) - a marker of heart -threatening inflammation - two to three times
higher than calmer study volunteers. The more negative their moods, the higher their CRP levels, and the greater their risk for future heart disease and stroke.
Can I undo it? Yes
You have to keep an open mind and do some work, though. Stress-reduction techniques have been proven to lower blood sugar, improve immunity, reduce depression, speed healing in people with psoriasis, ease chronic pain, lower blood sugar and possibly protect your heart, too. Plenty of research shows that people with heart disease linked to anxiety who lower their stress levels significantly cut their risk of a heart attack.
Plus benefits
More than you can count. A regained sense of joy and control is worth its weight in gold, and the physical health benefits will be substantial also.
Repair plan
- Train yourself to stop getting stressed so easily You've heard it often: stress isn't created by people or situations - it's entirely caused by how you react to them. You can let an obnoxious child or boss get to you or you can take a deep breath and decide not to let yourself react strongly or emotionally. So next time you feel a stressful situation emerging, work hard at managing it and staying cool, in time, you'll succeed.
- Learn a formal stress-relief process Among the most proven techniques are yoga, meditation and deep breathing.
- Try progressive relaxation Close your eyes, breathe calmly and release tension in each part of your body, beginning with your feet and working up to your neck and head.
- Learn to be optimistic Whether you view the glass as half-full or half-empty makes a huge difference to your outlook on life, and perhaps to your health. Psychologists believe it's possible to learn to adopt a more optimistic outlook - simply by mimicking what optimists would say and do, even if you don't (yet) believe it.
- If stress is taking a significant toll on your attitude and health, talk to a cognitive therapist You'll learn how to see yourself and your throught process in a new, more objective light.
- Eat healthy and exercise A healthy lifestyle does wonders for your ability to manage stressful situations.
- Enjoy a relaxing hobby knitting, building model aeroplanes, making pottery ... whatever you love and that you can immerse yourself in will calm you down.
- Rediscover silliness One of the secrets to achieving happiness is to acknowledge that in every grown man resides a young boy, and in every mature woman, a young girl. Our bodies may age, but our spirits needn't, and on some matters, shouldn't. So don't suppress your sense of fun and silliness. At any age, it's perfectly appropriate to laugh at comedians, have a pillow fight, make silly faces at each other and get a little saucy with your intimates. If you have lost your sense of humour, you need to do whatever it takes to bring it back, even if it's just renting silly films. Treat it as a doctor's prescription for your health.
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