Rather than just getting angry at your boss, for example, take a moment to think through why he or she said or did what bothered you (more often that not, your boss will be acting in response to
someone else's unreasonabale demands). The ability to see situations from multiple viewpoints is extremely handy for building a more resilient personality.
List your strengths. This could be everything from your ability to interact with anyone at any time to your talent for baking. Don't do this on your own; ask people who know you well to contribute to the list. Knowing your strengths, becoming aware of your strengths, is like putting money into the resilience bank. When it's time for a withdrawal, you'll know just how much you have to use.
Write down your blessings It may sound corny, but recognising the many things you have to be thankful for is a sign of resilience. Don't leave anything out. If you're blessed because you moved into a house with the master bedroom on the ground floor and you don't have to climb stairs, add it to the list. Make copies of the list and put one in your bedroom, the kitchen and the glove compartment of your car. Whenever you're tempted to have a moan, pull out the list and remind yourself how lucky you really are.
Don't panic When adversity hits, take a deep breath, think about the situation, then list five things you can do without falling apart. Say to yourself, 'In the near future, this will already be worked out, and things will be getting better.'
Ask the right questions People often let situations control them instead of them occurs because they haven't bothered to get the information they need. When problems occur, ask questions. Lots of questions. This provides you with enough information to develop alternative responses, at least one of which will enable you to bounce back from the situation.
Identify one positive thing in every situation No matter how bleak a situation is, there's always something positive to be found. Even for one couple whose house burned down on Christmas Eve, just two days after they'd moved in, when the husband tired to light a fire in the fireplace. They lost everything they had accumulated over their 40 year marriage. But they still had each other. And, they said, starting over was actually a positive experience.
Manage your expectations If you expect everything to go perfectly when you travel, you're setting yourself up for a disappointment. Instead, anticipate long delays and lost luggage by taking extra reading material or playing cards and not putting anything you can't live without in your checked-in bags. Then, when disaster doesn't strike, you're there steps ahead. This kind of thinking also works well for family reunions, house renovations and medical appointments.
Set daily goals You need a sense of accomplishment every day to strengthen your own belief in yourself. These goals could be small, such as calling on a housebound elderly neighbour every week, or designed to add up to a larger achievement, such as getting another degree or building a gazebo.
Company yourself only to yourself Just because Mary lost her job and had to declare bankruptacy doesn't mean you will. Just because your neighbour Sam had lots more good fortune this past year than you did doesn't mean you're a failure. Focus on your situation in the context of your life, not that of anyone else around you.
Recognise what you can and cannot control If you have diabetes, for instance, and you're following a healthy diet, taking your medication and exercising regularly, but you still have fluctuating blood sugar, recognise that you're doing all you can to control the situation, and that you may need to put the rest of the problem in your doctor's hands.
Change one thing every day With age, we move in smaller circles, becoming so entrenched in our routines that we don't even notice them any longer. Then, when something happens to change that routine, we lack the flexibility to cope with it. To prevent this from happening, aim to change one thing about your routine every day. You might brush your teeth with your left hand, take a different route while riding your bike to work, or sleep in a different bedroom in the house.
toxic thinking about... ageingIf you think ageing means pain, disability or poor health, you're living in the past. A landmark study published in 2002 found that people who perceive ageing negatively live an average of seven and a half years less than people who view ageing in a positive light.
Since then, other students have found numerous connections between the perception of ageing and overall health and well-being. For instance, one found that people who viewed ageing positively were more likely to remain physically active, a key component of ageing well. Those who thought negatively about ageing, however, were less likely 'unsuccessfully'. Other studies found that views about ageing affect memory, well-being, the will to live and overall satisfaction with life.
Your expectations about ageing also affect how your body react to stress, particularly when it comes to the effect of stress on your heart. View ageing as all downhill, and your heart goes mad when you're under stress; view ageing as a well-deserved benefit of a well-lived life, and your heart reacts to stress as a minor blip in the scheme of things.
Your perceptions about ageing also affect how you live your life. For instance, if you believe that brain function inevitably declines with age - a total falsehood - you might refuse to learn to use a computer, cutting yourself off from a valuable tool for learning, staying in touch with people and finding new activities and interests - all of which, as you now know, are keys to ageing well.
All this creates a vicious circle: If you think ageing means infirmity, and your health or memory deteriorates because of your belief, it only reinforces that mistaken belief and results in greater problems.
To readjsut your perceptions of ageing ...
Increase your walking pace One study of 47 healthy men and women with an average age of 70 found that those who received subliminally negativ messages about ageing (senility, dependency and disease), and who then took a walk, travelled at the same speed as before they received the messages. Those who received positive messages about ageing (wisdom, astuteness, accomplishment) walked 9 percent faster. It may seem a small change, but other studies found that walking speed is a good way of measuring your overall fitness and physical function. Studies also link walking speed drops 9 to 30 percent as you age, so any increase is a good thing.
Focus on other successful older people Many of today's greatest authors, orchestra conductors, actors, commentators, teachers and visionaries are people over the age of 70. Role models abound for people seeking an active path for their later years.
Watch your language Instead of chalking up forgetfulness to a 'senior moment', call it wha it is: a brain hiccup, a sign that you're under too much stress, an indication that you didn't pay close-enough attention the first time. When you were 20 and you forgot someone's name, you didn't refer to it as a senior moment, did you? This really works; one major study of 230 60 years olds found that those who chalked up their difficulty in completing certain tasks such as cutting their toenails or walking moderate distances to 'old age' were much more likely to have arthritis, heart disease and hearing loss than those who attributed their difficulties to other reasons.
Get the TV out of the bedroom and living room In fact, turn it off altogether. It turns out that the more television older people depicted so negatively on TV. In one study, participants aged between 60 and 90 who watched an average on 21 hours of TV a week found that older people were often the brunt of jokes or were left out altogether. As one 68-year-old participant wrote in her viewing diary: 'I feel like we've been ignored. I feel like we are non-existent.' Overall, the study found, less than 2 percent of primetime television characters are 65 or older.
The bottom line your attitudes have the power to programme your body to perform as you think it should perform
someone else's unreasonabale demands). The ability to see situations from multiple viewpoints is extremely handy for building a more resilient personality.
List your strengths. This could be everything from your ability to interact with anyone at any time to your talent for baking. Don't do this on your own; ask people who know you well to contribute to the list. Knowing your strengths, becoming aware of your strengths, is like putting money into the resilience bank. When it's time for a withdrawal, you'll know just how much you have to use.
Write down your blessings It may sound corny, but recognising the many things you have to be thankful for is a sign of resilience. Don't leave anything out. If you're blessed because you moved into a house with the master bedroom on the ground floor and you don't have to climb stairs, add it to the list. Make copies of the list and put one in your bedroom, the kitchen and the glove compartment of your car. Whenever you're tempted to have a moan, pull out the list and remind yourself how lucky you really are.
Don't panic When adversity hits, take a deep breath, think about the situation, then list five things you can do without falling apart. Say to yourself, 'In the near future, this will already be worked out, and things will be getting better.'
Ask the right questions People often let situations control them instead of them occurs because they haven't bothered to get the information they need. When problems occur, ask questions. Lots of questions. This provides you with enough information to develop alternative responses, at least one of which will enable you to bounce back from the situation.
Identify one positive thing in every situation No matter how bleak a situation is, there's always something positive to be found. Even for one couple whose house burned down on Christmas Eve, just two days after they'd moved in, when the husband tired to light a fire in the fireplace. They lost everything they had accumulated over their 40 year marriage. But they still had each other. And, they said, starting over was actually a positive experience.
Manage your expectations If you expect everything to go perfectly when you travel, you're setting yourself up for a disappointment. Instead, anticipate long delays and lost luggage by taking extra reading material or playing cards and not putting anything you can't live without in your checked-in bags. Then, when disaster doesn't strike, you're there steps ahead. This kind of thinking also works well for family reunions, house renovations and medical appointments.
Set daily goals You need a sense of accomplishment every day to strengthen your own belief in yourself. These goals could be small, such as calling on a housebound elderly neighbour every week, or designed to add up to a larger achievement, such as getting another degree or building a gazebo.
Company yourself only to yourself Just because Mary lost her job and had to declare bankruptacy doesn't mean you will. Just because your neighbour Sam had lots more good fortune this past year than you did doesn't mean you're a failure. Focus on your situation in the context of your life, not that of anyone else around you.
Recognise what you can and cannot control If you have diabetes, for instance, and you're following a healthy diet, taking your medication and exercising regularly, but you still have fluctuating blood sugar, recognise that you're doing all you can to control the situation, and that you may need to put the rest of the problem in your doctor's hands.
Change one thing every day With age, we move in smaller circles, becoming so entrenched in our routines that we don't even notice them any longer. Then, when something happens to change that routine, we lack the flexibility to cope with it. To prevent this from happening, aim to change one thing about your routine every day. You might brush your teeth with your left hand, take a different route while riding your bike to work, or sleep in a different bedroom in the house.
toxic thinking about... ageingIf you think ageing means pain, disability or poor health, you're living in the past. A landmark study published in 2002 found that people who perceive ageing negatively live an average of seven and a half years less than people who view ageing in a positive light.
Since then, other students have found numerous connections between the perception of ageing and overall health and well-being. For instance, one found that people who viewed ageing positively were more likely to remain physically active, a key component of ageing well. Those who thought negatively about ageing, however, were less likely 'unsuccessfully'. Other studies found that views about ageing affect memory, well-being, the will to live and overall satisfaction with life.
Your expectations about ageing also affect how your body react to stress, particularly when it comes to the effect of stress on your heart. View ageing as all downhill, and your heart goes mad when you're under stress; view ageing as a well-deserved benefit of a well-lived life, and your heart reacts to stress as a minor blip in the scheme of things.
Your perceptions about ageing also affect how you live your life. For instance, if you believe that brain function inevitably declines with age - a total falsehood - you might refuse to learn to use a computer, cutting yourself off from a valuable tool for learning, staying in touch with people and finding new activities and interests - all of which, as you now know, are keys to ageing well.
All this creates a vicious circle: If you think ageing means infirmity, and your health or memory deteriorates because of your belief, it only reinforces that mistaken belief and results in greater problems.
To readjsut your perceptions of ageing ...
Increase your walking pace One study of 47 healthy men and women with an average age of 70 found that those who received subliminally negativ messages about ageing (senility, dependency and disease), and who then took a walk, travelled at the same speed as before they received the messages. Those who received positive messages about ageing (wisdom, astuteness, accomplishment) walked 9 percent faster. It may seem a small change, but other studies found that walking speed is a good way of measuring your overall fitness and physical function. Studies also link walking speed drops 9 to 30 percent as you age, so any increase is a good thing.
Focus on other successful older people Many of today's greatest authors, orchestra conductors, actors, commentators, teachers and visionaries are people over the age of 70. Role models abound for people seeking an active path for their later years.
Watch your language Instead of chalking up forgetfulness to a 'senior moment', call it wha it is: a brain hiccup, a sign that you're under too much stress, an indication that you didn't pay close-enough attention the first time. When you were 20 and you forgot someone's name, you didn't refer to it as a senior moment, did you? This really works; one major study of 230 60 years olds found that those who chalked up their difficulty in completing certain tasks such as cutting their toenails or walking moderate distances to 'old age' were much more likely to have arthritis, heart disease and hearing loss than those who attributed their difficulties to other reasons.
Get the TV out of the bedroom and living room In fact, turn it off altogether. It turns out that the more television older people depicted so negatively on TV. In one study, participants aged between 60 and 90 who watched an average on 21 hours of TV a week found that older people were often the brunt of jokes or were left out altogether. As one 68-year-old participant wrote in her viewing diary: 'I feel like we've been ignored. I feel like we are non-existent.' Overall, the study found, less than 2 percent of primetime television characters are 65 or older.
The bottom line your attitudes have the power to programme your body to perform as you think it should perform
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